Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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