I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
