Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
