zippers are such a cool invention
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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