Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So much Jack, so little girl.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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