I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
