I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
