It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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