So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
