I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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