Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
