On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
