It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
