Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
