Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
