after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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