I love black thongs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
