help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
