I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
