Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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