Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he thought i was a dude.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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