hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
