How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
