You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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