Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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