You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
