I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
