i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
