I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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