i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
