Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
