Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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