Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
