I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
