And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
