dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
