I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
