I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
vagina is talking i cant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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