I hate your face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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