it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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