I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
