Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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