I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
