Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
