I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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