I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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