remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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