Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rumble strips road head = magical
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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