i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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