I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
