now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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